Tag Archives: tiger kung fu

Learn Rattlesnake Kung Fu at a Martial Arts Retreat!

Rattlesnake Kung fu

Greetings to the Faithful!
We are moving stuff up to Monkeyland this week.
Lot of fun.
12 hour work day fun!
Believe me,
it’s a relief to get back on the typer and send out a message.

That said, the message today is…rattlesnakes!
We’re up at Monkeyland,
talking to the former owner,
and now the truth comes out.
When he was selling the property it was,
‘oh, we never see snakes around here.’
Now that the property is sold he says,
‘Had a rattlesnake crawl in the house last week.
Only one button on the tail,
couldn’t hardly hear the fellow.
The young uns are the deadliest, you know.
They latch on and they don’t know how to let go,
just keep right on pumping that poison into you.

monkey kung fu

Official Emblem of The Church of Martial Arts


My wife is turning white.

I’m laughing.
This is California.
rattlesnakes are old hat to me.
I should make up a rattlesnake kung fu style.
Specialize in the ‘one button strike,’
have some real fun.

I used to work at a school,
lots of kids at places like that,
and I was the official rattlesnake killer.
Some kid would hear a buzzing,
they’d call me,
and I’d go kill the sucker.

Take a shovel and chop his head off.

Oh! How cruel!
Unless he happens to bite your child.
Then you thank me.

you have to chop the head off,
and don’t touch the fangs,
and bury the head DEEP.
Venom has a shelf life of 25 years.
My son got stung by a bee when he was two,
arm swole up like a water balloon.
Doctor said the bee likely landed on a dead rattlesnake,
picked up some venom.
So my son got bit by a dead rattlesnake thanks to a bee.

And, if snakes aren’t enough,
there’s bobcats and bears up there!

But the worst predator up there,
the one the former owner made his wife carry a gun everywhere for,
was the two legged kind.

it is fun,
I’m really happy because I don’t care a fig about
rattlesnakes or bobcats or bears (oh my!)
or even the really deadly two legged varmints.
I know martial arts.
And here is something interesting…
Do you think the original monks at the Shaolin Temple
didn’t have to deal with…
deadly bugs,
and all that sort of thing?

How do you think they came up with their martial arts?
Maybe that tiger form is the result of a man
who had to kill a tiger with only a knife?

come to Monkeyland,
and maybe you’ll have to fight off a bear (grin)
or tangle with a bobcat (he he)
or wake up to find a rattlesnake tangled in your bedroll. (outright laughter)

I’m kidding here,
chances are you won’t see anything like that,
but I just want to get the idea across,
the martial arts are used in life or death situations.
And life or death situations are definitely out of the comfort zone.
So put aside your ho hum same old same old life,
come dedicate yourself to a life and death art
where the only distractions are
having to eke out a living,
and putting up with a two legged varmint like me. (bent over, slap the thigh, guffaw).

You can sleep in a cargo container,
cook your food over an open fire,
work out in an open faced tin garage,
and it will be something you ALWAYS remember.

who knows,
maybe you’ll like it enough to become a live in monk.
Rattlesnakes, bobcats and bears, (oh my!)

Oinkey dokely?
Fine and dandy?
See ya.

If you’ve got the Matrix Karate course,
you should look into KangDukWon.com.
The more you know before you get here,
the sooner you’ll become an official monk.

Monster Newsletter #318–Mad Monkey Kung Fu!

What a glorious day!
Perfect for working out, eh?
Maybe even working out twice.
Yesterday I spread my work out over the whole day.
Every time I finished a task on the computer,
I went upstairs and worked on a form.
I know a few forms,
so by the end of the day I was beat!
I was also glowing with satisfaction.
I don’t know if you’ve got the kind of job that you can do that,
but I recommend it.

One of my students,
just to add on a bit,
used to walk the circle during breaks and lunch.
Got himself three sure work outs a day,
then a work out before and after.
He was smiling ALL the time.
And, speaking of smiling ALL the time,
let me tell you tale of drunken revelry
that actually resulted in some serious research.

One night about around 1970,
I stepped into the restroom and used the facilities,
and wondered why all the women were staring at me.
I was that blotto.
And I didn’t even get arrested.
The ladies were probably laughing too hard to call a cop.
I had my back to them,
there was no malice,
and I was in the condition I was in.
why my condition?
you’ve all heard me say
at one point or another,
that if it wasn’t for the martial arts,
I’d be a drunk.
But I loved martial arts more,
and I wouldn’t drink the night before a class.
I was taking classes,
or teaching,
six nights a week,
so I remained sober six nights of the week,
and that sure saved my bacon.

on that one night a week,
I tended to…shall we say…over do it?

So one night I went to the movies,
did stupid things,
the next day,
I thought about the movie I had seen.
‘Mad Monkey Kung Fu.’
In it,
the hero had had his hands smashed,
as I recall,
and had then rebuilt his hands until he could do
the ‘Mad Monkey Punch.’

He struck with his fingers, then his knuckles, then his fist.
Bing, bang, bong.
All in a half second.

The idea was that his opponent could take one punch that fast,
and maybe two, but he couldn’t keep his energy intact
when struck with punches
so fast and quick.

Try it.

the research,
I wanted a punch unique to my purposes,
and I started doing punches in the following manner.
middle finger/index finger/middle knuckle/index knuckle/fist/fist
And I did this in time to a rhumba rhythm.
da da, da da, da, da!
I didn’t hit hard,
I just hit consistent,
and now,
decades later,
when I use one of those fingers on somebody
it works!
Mind you,
I don’t usually strike with a finger,
I just put it on my opponent’s body and press.
da da, da da, da, da!

and my opponent goes down!
Well, there’s more to it,
but I do it on some of the courses,
show one finger take downs.
Pretty easy once you have examined the body properly,
built the finger up a bit.
The best course for this is probably Temple Karate


That’s where I show how I do some of the classical forms,
the changes I’ve made after four decades of art,
I show the five forms that I use
which have the particular energy of the mad monkey strike,
through my own unique perspective,
of course.
which includes single finger take downs.

So that’s about it,
you don’t have to have crippled fingers to learn,
and you don’t even need to over imbibe on the libations.
you just need to get inspired
do the work
and keep doing the work for a few decades.
what better way to spend your time,

Here’s that link again,


And you guys
do a thousand kicks,
do push ups on your fingers,
and stay away from the booze!
Been there…done that…doesn’t work.



WIN OF THE WEEK: This is part of a win from Bill Tharp.

Your Matrix Kung Fu package is excellent instructional material as usual, and the best collection of easily learned joint locks and take-downs I have ever seen. A great buy for the money. It has greatly revived my interest in learning more. Thanks a million!

Thanks Bill, appreciate the kind words, have a great work out!

Send me your wins!