Tag Archives: The Ultimate Karate

How I Got the Ultimate Karate Punch in the Face

It’s the wind up, it’s the karate punch, it’s the…oops!

Good Lard is it a beeootifull day, especially for the ultimate karate punch..

Good day to work out, limber up the muskles, knock the fat off yer frame. Get healthy. Ya know? Are ya ready to talk martial arts?

horse stance, punch

Click on this guy to get the ultimate karate punch.

kenpo karate instructor manual

Click on the book to find out about the man who killed Kenpo Karate.

One of the drills I hated the most, but got the most out of, was the simple horse stance. We would spread the legs, get the thighs down to where they were almost parallel to the floor, and put up one high block, and extend the other hand to the side in a chicken beak, and look at our finger tips. We called this position Kima Chasie. Horse Meditation.

And we meditated on the pain it would cause us.

Now, forget the pain, forget the stronger legs, forget everything but the real purpose of it. Get out of your body.

After a couple of years of dabbling with horse Meditation I decided to do it right. I decided that pain wouldn’t cause death (in this instance) and that I should just do the exercise until I got what it was all about.

So, I hit the stance, looked at my fingers, and concentrated on breathing. Time passed. Minutes seemed like hours. My mind began to still, the world slowed down. Seconds seemed like hours.

And, suddenly it all stopped hurting. No pain at all. The whole universe was one peaceful concept that i could live with forever.

How long did it take me to get there?

Five minutes.

That’s all.

Zingo bingo, instant enlightenment.

Doing the Horse Stance Form and techniques at 61.

Now came the problem. When I tried to move, I couldn’t. My whole body had locked up. Man, I was freaked. Tried to wiggle backwards, couldn’t move, couldn’t even rock. Tried forwards, ah, there we go, I could fall for…oh shit…ah! Landed on my face.

So, enlightenment is possible through the old training methods, but sometimes it can be weird, freaky, and even as significant as a karate punch on the nose.

Hey, any of youse guys feel like coming over to see me, I live on good old Monster Martial Arts. Brings your friends, the doors are open, leave your old life outside.

See ya.

Al

Here’s a great article on how to be Karate tough. If you can take it. Grrr.

A Terrorist, You, and ONE Martial Arts Technique!

What Fight Ender Would You Use Against a Terrorist?

Okay, if you’re a politically correct soccer mom, go away. The girls are pulling your precious Johnny’s pants down and laughing at him.

BUT, if you’re not too delicate of heart, let me ask you a question. Here’s the build up…

martial arts instruction manual

The Ultimate Karate Encyclopedia!

You’re on an elevator. You are staring at your cell phone. There is a picture of a terrorist, and he is the fellow standing next to you!

Your heartbeat escalates, sweat bursts out on your forehead.

He isn’t holding a dead man’s switch, but you know, from the bulge of his belly that he is wearing a vest with explosives!

If you give him a chance, he’ll grab that switch, and that elevator will be on the fast track to hell!

He glances over at you, sees his picture on the cell, and now you know you must move. You know who he is…and he knows you know!

…so there it is. You have time for one, and only one technique. It has got to be a fight ender. You can’t risk him falling down half aware and reaching into his pocket for the dead man’s switch. You have to take him out now!

All the way out!

No second chances!

So what technique are you going to use? Describe it in detail, tell us where it comes from.

It can be from any martial art, or not from a martial art. You can only use weapons that a person might carry on his person and not get busted, and which you, yourself, normally carry.

He can have similar weapons, cause that’s only fair, right?

And, be careful, anything you say will be dissected endlessly, and you just know that some of them cruel Beavis and Butthead types are just waiting to mock you all the way to Bullshido!

So, how are you going to save the world? What technique are you going to use?

Well?

This question posed courtesy of MonsterMartialArts(dot)com!

(Have you checked out The Ultimate Karate Encyclopedia?)