Tag Archives: defense for a wedgie

Ultimate Martial Arts Technique Results in Murder!

Hey, I’m not kidding. When I read this I outright laughed. What was weird is that I googled Ultimate Martial Arts Technique and found it.

Young Daniel Strous was attending a Phish concert, rockin’ with the music, swaying in time, when, suddenly, his underwear was grabbed by the back elastic and yanked.

Shrieking like a little girl, Daniel went up on his tip toes, his manhood effectively squashed.

Ha ha. We’ve all done that. What a yock. At least that is what the yanker, Eric Kassoway, thought.

Well, maybe it wasn’t a yock. For months Daniel smoldered over the incident. The shame of his high voice, the pain in his privates. Finally, the cauldron bubbled over.

On June 12 Daniel drove to Eric’s home and waited outside. When  Eric appeared the ultimate wedgie revenge technique was enacted…shots filled the air and Eric fell to the ground, his wedgie pulling days now in regret.

Eric did manage to survive, though he is currently getting therapy. Daniel is on his way to prison.

So, we are left with many questions.

What brand of underwear is so tough it can be used to inflict a wedgie without breaking?

Will Daniel learn a self defense move for the dreaded wedgie attack in prison?

Is readjusting underclothes really cause for murder?

And, most important, why the heck would google pop this article in the first place? Heck, they should have popped up Monster Martial Arts, maybe even selected my article on the ultimate ultimate martial arts fighting championship.