The Martial Arts Night Before XMAS!

HanaKwanMass!

And, I’ve got my yearly 

‘Night Before Xmas’ rendition for you.

But,

first,

HanaKwanMass means

Hanukah plus Kwanza plus Christmas!

You might offend two thirds of everybody you meet,

but you get three times the gifts!

Yahoo!

Now,

in the interests of offending everybody everywhere

is the Martial Arts Night Before Christmas!

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!

Twas the night before Christmas

I was in my shack

primed and ready

for the red fat attack.

my weapons were loaded

the windows were barred

all would be safe

while I was on guard

The chimney was decked

with concertina wire

I crouched by the couch

ready to fire.

I had an M60

with ammo to feed

I didn’t care

if the red fat did bleed.

A loaded shotgun

and grenades to spare

when red fat came down

I’d blow him out of there.

Throwing stars and knives

and a really long sword

and if that didn’t work

I knew a bad word.

Sitting there late

my eyes started to close

when suddenly I heard

a bunch of ho hos.

Off with the lights

safety off, too

I  watched the fire close

and heard a sound from the flu.

‘Ouch and gosh darn it

who put the wire here

those are my undies

starting to tear!’

Then a shower of soot

and a grunt and a groan

he landed in the fire

and gave out a moan.

He was rubbing the place

where the wire did tear

so I held down the trigger

and lead filled the air.

belt after belt

did I deal the red fat

he danced and he jumped

I knew he felt that!

then quicker than spit

I ran out of lead

but enough was enough

he had to be dead.

Boy was I shocked

to see him stand tall

stepping out of the fireplace

not bothered at all.

So I grabbed up the 16

to mow him down

he had to be hurting

cause I saw his big frown.

Then I was empty

and he came straight for me

I pulled out my knives

and sliced him with glee

He jumped to the side

moving real quick

disarmed my knives

with a well placed kick

then he dropped the big bag

he had on his shoulder

reached forth his arms

and his anger did smolder

He grabbed hard my neck

and held me up high

I tried kicks and punches

but I was like a fly

Not karate nor judo

no art did work

and he grinned a mean grin

and called me a jerk

‘Don’t you know

you stupid little man

Christmas is forever

in spite of your plan.’

Then he threw me aside

and proceeded to work

giving presents to all

and to me a great smirk

And when he left

the great big red fat

he left me a lump of coal

the big red fat rat!

HANAKWANMASS TO ALL

and to all a great work out.

Al

BTW…

‘The Last Martial Arts Book’ has 11 ratings for 5 stars.

(There is a video version of this book with no stars yet)

My two yoga books have 9 ratings between them  for 5 stars.

‘The Book of Five Arts’ has 7 ratings for 5 stars.

‘The Science of Government’ has 6 ratings for 5 stars.

‘Chiang Nan’ has 5 ratings for 5 stars.

My novel, ‘Monkeyland,’ has 5 ratings for 5 stars

And don’t forget to check out the interview

How to Fix Karate! (volumes one and two)

volume one is at

And volume two is at…