A Martial Arts Xmas to You!
Good morning!
It’s almost Xmas!
Almost time to sneak down
and open the presents the night before!
Find that set of throwing stars,
or shiny, new sword,
or other implement for keeping world peace.
Heh.
And,
speaking of the night before,
it is time for my yearly rendering of
The Night Before Xmas!
Monster Martial Arts Style,
of course.
HanaKwanMass to Freedom Fighters the World Over!
But,
before I offend everybody,
let me remind you,
I have two specials going on.
One,
Rolling Fists is half price,
because I have a bunch of labels
that faded.
Email me for details.
Two,
the HanaKwanMass two for one special!
That’s right,
get any course,
and email me afterward
for any other course
of equal or lesser value!
AND…
speaking of HanaKwanMass,
it stands for Hanukah/Kwanza/Xmas,
it is my attempt to offend
EVERY politically correct person I can.
Simply,
if somebody who is purple,
believes different than you,
is from faroutistan,
wishes you a happy whatever holiday,
TAKE IT AND LOVE IT!
And wish them well back!
Okay,
enough bushwah,
let’s get down to the one poem
that I do year after year,
which offends anybody with sensibility
but is a hoot to a martial artist…
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!
Twas the night before Christmas
I was in my shack
primed and ready
for the red fat attack.
my weapons were loaded
the windows were barred
all would be safe
while I was on guard
The chimney was decked
with concertina wire
I crouched by the couch
ready to fire.
I had an M60
with ammo to feed
I didn’t care
if the red fat did bleed.
A loaded shotgun
and grenades to spare
when red fat came down
I’d blow him out of there.
Throwing stars and knives
and a really long sword
and if that didn’t work
I knew a bad word.
Sitting there late
my eyes started to close
when suddenly I heard
a bunch of ho hos.
Off with the lights
safety off, too
I watched the fire close
and heard a sound from the flu.
‘Ouch and gosh darn it
who put the wire here
those are my undies
starting to tear!’
Then a shower of soot
and a grunt and a groan
he landed in the fire
and gave out a moan.
He was rubbing the place
where the wire did tear
so I held down the trigger
and lead filled the air.
belt after belt
did I deal the red fat
he danced and he jumped
I knew he felt that!
then quicker than spit
I ran out of lead
but enough was enough
he had to be dead.
Boy was I shocked
to see him stand tall
stepping out of the fireplace
not bothered at all.
So I grabbed up the 16
to mow him down
he had to be hurting
cause I saw his big frown.
Then I was empty
and he came straight for me
I pulled out my knives
and sliced him with glee
He jumped to the side
moving real quick
disarmed my knives
with a well placed kick
then he dropped the big bag
he had on his shoulder
reached forth his arms
and his anger did smolder
He grabbed hard my neck
and held me up high
I tried kicks and punches
but I was like a fly
Not karate nor judo
no art did work
and he grinned a mean grin
and called me a jerk
‘Don’t you know
you stupid little man
Christmas is forever
in spite of your plan.’
Then he threw me aside
and proceeded to work
giving presents to all
and to me a great smirk
And when he left
the great big red fat
he left me a lump of coal
the big red fat rat!
HANAKWANMASS TO ALL
and to all a great work out.
Al
BTW ~ If you want to spread the HanKwanMass spirit, feel free to share, hit the FB button, email to a friend, or whatever.
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Matrix Martial Arts 