Howling in the Night at Monkeyland!
A couple of days ago I saw a herd of cows coming up the road to Monkeyland.
Now, I’ll teach just about anybody, but I won’t teach cows. Cows eat the crops, eat the bark off of carefully tended trees, drop their crap everywhere, and are good for nothing but rib eye.
So I went to the porch and gave them a kiai.
They froze in place, stared up at me.
“Do not come up here!” I boomed. Echoes of my voice rounded the valley, burning my stereophonic instructions into their bovine brains.
They stood, in a quandary, unsure as to what to do.
I repeated my instructions. Again and again.
And the cows went up the other road, away from Monkeyland.
My wife laughed. The idea of me treating cows like…like politically correct morons, and getting away with it.
Only in Monkeyland.
So last night we heard the coyotes howling.
We can’t have coyotes in Monkeyland. They eat the cats, and then the mice don’t get eaten, and the mice then crawl up under the engines of our machines and eat the wires. So, no coyotes. I won’t teach them, and I certainly won’t have them eating our cats.
In a flash I was out on the porch, three in the morning, nekkid, booming my kiai howl across the hills. Dog stood beside me and stared up at me in wonder.
Echoes faded out and a deep silence filled the valley.
The coyotes had been warned, and that by the Pope of Monkeyland.
Satisfied, I went to sleep.
Well, almost satisfied.
I have driven off the cows and coyotes, I am making a place fit for martial arts students of the finest caliber.
So, in my best, booming kiai…COME!
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