Making A Martial Arts Monkey Fist


Make a Martial Arts Weapon!

I want to tell you about the Martial Arts Monkey’s Fist,

a unique thing I just found out about,

so cool it’ll refrigerate your head.

But,

 before I do that,

I have to offer my twice-yearly apology.

If I have offended you

done something wrong,

written your address or name wrong,

said something about your art you didn’t like,

anything at all…

I apologize.

I am sincere in this.

I do this apology thing two times,

new years and my birthday.

Simply,

whatever mistakes I have made,

I don’t want them dragging me down.

I don’t want my own mind tugging at me,

and I don’t want ill will pulling at me.

So I apologize.

And if you need more than an apology,

write me and let me know.

 

Now,

fresh start at hand,

let me tell you about the Monkey’s Fist.

Tom H wrote me about weapons

and mentioned the Monkey’s Fist Knot.

Truth,

I had never heard of it,

and had to do a quick research,

and what I found was cooler than an Eskimo’s outhouse!

 

In the raging seas,

two ships pull up next to each other.

They want to tie a line between the ships.

Maybe to pass food over,

or a passenger in skirts,

or something else.

So a sailor steps up to the rail

and throws a rope.

But a rope is light,

it falls into the sea,

the sailor is pulling it out

and he falls into the sea,

and the whole durn ships in the night thing

laughs at ya!

 

So,

the solution…

a Monkey’s Fist Knot.

 

You simply grab a lead ball,

a large bullet,

if you’re feeling kindly,

or a small cannon ball

if you want to laugh at the guy who tries to catch it,

and you tie a knot around it.

That’s right,

you tie a tight knot,

and in the center is a heavy weight.

Now,

with the extra weight

you can swing that rope and throw it,

and it’ll get to that other ship and

maybe even knock a few of the crew over.

 

Har har har!

Ain’t we havin’ fun,

matey?

 

Seriously,

while it can be used to get a rope across seas,

to tie ships ogether,

think about the other uses.

 

A missile that you can throw,

and then pull back to you,

so you can throw it again.

 

Or,

a missile you can throw 

which might (heh heh)

wrap around a swabbie’s neck,

and then you can pull him back to you,

or overboard,

or whatever.

 

Or,

you can throw it through the rigging,

and then swing over to the other ship

boots first.

 

Or,

you shorten up your hold on the line,

and you have an instant

weird sort of nunchuck.

A whip with a weight,

a fist load that is a foot long.

 

Man,

what an advantage in a fight,

eh?

 

Now,

I shouldn’t tell you this,

I shouldn’t encourage you martial slobbies…

uh,

swabbies,

to make weapons.

Especially weapons that aren’t weapons,

and would be considered illegal

if any fool second amendment hating judge

found out what you were doing.

I shouldn’t encourage you to make a weapon

that you could wear for a belt,

but which you could whip out and crack a skull

at a moment’s notice.

BUT…

(heh heh)

just google monkey knot on youtube.

Or monkey fist knot.

Or something like that,

and you will get video instructions.

 

Hey,

can you see it?

Some school shooter

pulls out his uzi,

and you,

standing next to him,

whip out a rope belt

with a weighted end,

maybe even a weighted end with spikes in it

(A mace! Can you dig it!)

and you save 10 school kid’s lives,

the the idjit malcontent with the uzi,

doesn’t get a chance to kill himself.

All he can do is go to court

and explain what an idjit he is,

and his face is all tore up

for the rest of his stupid life,

with the marks of

a spiked and wicked

Monkey Fist Knot.

 

And society actually thanks you!

 

I know,

I know.

I’m getting excited.

But can you blame me?

So thanks, Tom H.

Because of your violent propensities

the world will be a safer place!

 

Now,

by the way,

if you don’t happen to have weapons in your curriculum,

or even if you do,

and you want a better weapons course,

a matrixed weapons course,

whereby you can master weapons in a few months…

here’s the URL

http://www.monstermartialarts.com/Blinding_Steel.html

 

Talk to you later…

 

Al

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s