Make a Martial Arts Weapon!
I want to tell you about the Martial Arts Monkey’s Fist,
a unique thing I just found out about,
so cool it’ll refrigerate your head.
before I do that,
I have to offer my twice-yearly apology.
If I have offended you
done something wrong,
written your address or name wrong,
said something about your art you didn’t like,
anything at all…
I am sincere in this.
I do this apology thing two times,
new years and my birthday.
whatever mistakes I have made,
I don’t want them dragging me down.
I don’t want my own mind tugging at me,
and I don’t want ill will pulling at me.
So I apologize.
And if you need more than an apology,
write me and let me know.
fresh start at hand,
let me tell you about the Monkey’s Fist.
Tom H wrote me about weapons
and mentioned the Monkey’s Fist Knot.
I had never heard of it,
and had to do a quick research,
and what I found was cooler than an Eskimo’s outhouse!
In the raging seas,
two ships pull up next to each other.
They want to tie a line between the ships.
Maybe to pass food over,
or a passenger in skirts,
or something else.
So a sailor steps up to the rail
and throws a rope.
But a rope is light,
it falls into the sea,
the sailor is pulling it out
and he falls into the sea,
and the whole durn ships in the night thing
laughs at ya!
a Monkey’s Fist Knot.
You simply grab a lead ball,
a large bullet,
if you’re feeling kindly,
or a small cannon ball
if you want to laugh at the guy who tries to catch it,
and you tie a knot around it.
you tie a tight knot,
and in the center is a heavy weight.
with the extra weight
you can swing that rope and throw it,
and it’ll get to that other ship and
maybe even knock a few of the crew over.
Har har har!
Ain’t we havin’ fun,
while it can be used to get a rope across seas,
to tie ships ogether,
think about the other uses.
A missile that you can throw,
and then pull back to you,
so you can throw it again.
a missile you can throw
which might (heh heh)
wrap around a swabbie’s neck,
and then you can pull him back to you,
you can throw it through the rigging,
and then swing over to the other ship
you shorten up your hold on the line,
and you have an instant
weird sort of nunchuck.
A whip with a weight,
a fist load that is a foot long.
what an advantage in a fight,
I shouldn’t tell you this,
I shouldn’t encourage you martial slobbies…
to make weapons.
Especially weapons that aren’t weapons,
and would be considered illegal
if any fool second amendment hating judge
found out what you were doing.
I shouldn’t encourage you to make a weapon
that you could wear for a belt,
but which you could whip out and crack a skull
at a moment’s notice.
just google monkey knot on youtube.
Or monkey fist knot.
Or something like that,
and you will get video instructions.
can you see it?
Some school shooter
pulls out his uzi,
standing next to him,
whip out a rope belt
with a weighted end,
maybe even a weighted end with spikes in it
(A mace! Can you dig it!)
and you save 10 school kid’s lives,
the the idjit malcontent with the uzi,
doesn’t get a chance to kill himself.
All he can do is go to court
and explain what an idjit he is,
and his face is all tore up
for the rest of his stupid life,
with the marks of
a spiked and wicked
Monkey Fist Knot.
And society actually thanks you!
I’m getting excited.
But can you blame me?
So thanks, Tom H.
Because of your violent propensities
the world will be a safer place!
by the way,
if you don’t happen to have weapons in your curriculum,
or even if you do,
and you want a better weapons course,
a matrixed weapons course,
whereby you can master weapons in a few months…
here’s the URL
Talk to you later…