A Monster Martial Arts Night Before Christmas!

Merry Christmas!
and a Happy Work Out!
if you believe in other religion,
Happy Kwanza
and a great work out!
Happy Hanukkah
and a super work out!
Isn’t it interesting,
no matter what our belief system,
the work out ties us together.
Every form is a prayer…
as you know
this is the newsletter in which I render
the Monster Night Before Christmas.
so load up on smores
set a pitcher of cheer at your elbow
and get yourself ready.
before we get on with the cheer,
got a couple of things to mention.
I was standing in line at the post office the other day
and I had a thought.
This thought is for all you guys and gals
who want to convince that 98 pound weakling
that karate is good for him.
(Or judo or Krav or Kung fu or whatever).
to tell you the truth,
this is even more fun to do
if the guy weighs 300-400 pounds
and thinks he’s tough,
and he don’t need
none of the sissy karate stuff
(or jujitsu or aikido or whatever)
the data on what I am about to tell you
is here.
A slightly different viewpoint on this
is in an article at Monster Martial Arts.
in the section about watermelons.
Those are your two references
so that you can do what I am about to describe.
I get some guy who is a little dubious,
or outright cynical,
but I have him in my dojo
and he’s willing at least to be there
and I decide he is in the frame of mind
to be convinced.
Mind you,
I don’t do this to everybody,
only the guys who are ready to open their eyes.
I get them in a position
I tell them I am going to hit them lightly.
I do this most friendly
and make sure they are agreeable.
Sometimes I even ask them if it’s okay.
Then I hit them.
that’s all,
I hit them.
there are hits,
and then there are hits.
For this hit I place my fingers on his chest,
then I don’t draw back,
simply close my fist into his body.
The body is a pool of water,
it’s just a big watermelon,
like dropping a rock in a pond,
I drop my fist on his skin
so that the water inside
Not an earthquake,
but a ‘waterquake.’
a look of shock comes into the guys eyes.
He hasn’t been hurt
but he feels all the water inside
The strike resonates,
to shift metaphors,
like an echo in an empty house.
I ask him what he feels.
I get different responses,
depending on the type of strike I do
or the texture of the guys body.
‘I feel it go through me.’
‘I feel like a wave is exploding in me.’
And other sorts of responses.
if I’m feeling particular nasty.
Heh heh.
I grab a student,
tell the newbie to place his hand on the student’s back
and then I hit the student’s chest.
The newbie can feel the energy
coming out the back.
Zingo Bingo,
I have a sign up,
a convert,
somebody I can teach.
without being hurt,
he has been shaken to the core.
Of course,
I have to teach him stuff then,
and I have to back up what I have done,
show him how to do it,
and make sure that he stays sold on what we are doing.
But that is the first step,
making a believer.
So check out that article,
see if it makes sense,
if you want the whole thing,
you might also check out
The Punch.
The article is about 1/100 of what is in The Punch.
the reason I just told you that,
other than I know that people do want to share their art,
and people do have to know some of what a real punch is,
is because I wanted to give you some martial arts this newsletter.
I’m about to give you the ultimate Monster Night Before Christmas
and I don’t want any of the newbies to this newsletter
to think that I am less than serious
about the martial arts.
one last thing
before we do the Monster Night
I have to ask you something.
And this is for everybody.
Twice a year
Birthday and Xmas,
I ask for people to forgive me.
If I said something you don’t like,
If your order was late,
if I wasn’t polite or quick,
whatever I have said or done
to cause any upset,
please forgive me.
I will try to do better,
and your forgiveness
helps me.
Thank you.
here we go…
The Monster Night before Christmas!
Twas the night before Christmas
I was in my shack
primed and ready
for the red fat attack.
my weapons were loaded
the windows were barred
all would be safe
while I was on guard
The chimney was decked
with concertina wire
I crouched by the couch
ready to fire.
I had an M60
with ammo to feed
I didn’t care
if the red fat did bleed.
A loaded shotgun
and grenades to spare
when red fat came down
I’d blow him out of there.
Throwing stars and knives
and a really long sword
and if that didn’t work
I knew a bad word.
Sitting there late
my eyes started to close
when suddenly I heard
a bunch of ho hos.
Off with the lights
safety off, too
I  watched the fire close
and heard a sound from the flu.
‘Ouch and gosh darn it
who put the wire here
those are my undies
starting to tear!’
Then a shower of soot
and a grunt and a groan
he landed in the fire
and gave out a moan.
He was rubbing the place
where the wire did tear
so I held down the trigger
and lead filled the air.
belt after belt
did I deal the red fat
he danced and he jumped
I knew he felt that!
then quicker than spit
I ran out of lead
but enough was enough
he had to be dead.
Boy was I shocked
to see him stand tall
stepping out of the fireplace
not bothered at all.
So I grabbed up the 16
to mow him down
he had to be hurting
cause I saw his big frown.
Then I was empty
and he came straight for me
I pulled out my knives
and sliced him with glee
He jumped to the side
moving real quick
disarmed my knives
with a well placed kick
then he dropped the big bag
he had on his shoulder
reached forth his arms
and his anger did smolder
He grabbed hard my neck
and held me up high
I tried kicks and punches
but I was like a fly
Not karate nor judo
no art did work
and he grinned a mean grin
and called me a jerk
‘Don’t you know
you stupid little man
Christmas is forever
in spite of your plan.’
Then he threw me aside
and proceeded to work
giving presents to all
and to me a great smirk
And when he left
the great big red fat
he left me a lump of coal
the big red fat rat!
and to all
have a great work out.
BTW–If you want all the info on The Punch!
go to
 Monster Martial Arts (dot) com.
In the green menu find The Punch.
There are two type of ki: ordinary ki and true ki. Ordinary ki is coarse and heavy; true ki is light and versatile. In order to perform well, you have to liberate yourself from ordinary ki and permeate your organs with true ki. That is the basis of powerful technique.

Morihei Ueshiba


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